Surrender
Surrender
You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”
-Joseph Campbell
Surrender
Autumn is almost upon us; a time of harvest. The plants are surrendering their fruits and vegetables and the trees are releasing their leaves as nature prepares for a cycle of hibernation before beginning new growth. We humans are not like that; we often find ourselves holding on tightly to our lives as we fear what will happen if we do let go. To truly surrender means releasing any definition of surrender that suggests failure or giving up the fight. Judith Orloff in “The Ecstasy of Surrender” asks us to discern the correct balance between trying to make things happen and letting go and even possibly surrendering the outcome in order to be more successful. Surrender also means change and change is often difficult for us to navigate. We have difficulty surrendering our habits, people, jobs, roles, etc. We often forget that life is dynamic and that everyday we are changing both on the inside and outside. Acknowledging this fact can make it easier to let go. And yet we also need to acknowledge that it is natural to hold on to things and people we love because we believe they are important to our well-being. The key here is to be aware of this natural process within ourselves; be gentle and thoughtful about what to hold onto and what to let go of; and to remember that it’s the very act of letting go that allows new opportunities to emerge in our lives.
Surrendering our Habits
Jack Canfield in “The Principles of Success” tells us that we are “never stuck; we just keep creating the same experience over and over again by thinking the same thoughts, maintaining the same beliefs, speaking the same words, and doing the same behaviors.” Given that 95% of what we do is habitual what does the process of surrendering our habits look like? First we need to examine the impact of our habits. Do they take us into our future and potential or do they keep us mired in our past? What is the most pressing habit(s) that if released would make a significant difference in your life? As you make the list, think about when the habit occurs; who, what, and where triggers it; and also think about what the habit brings to your life. Realizing that habits do bring something to our lives that we like or enjoy provides us with insights about what make the process of surrender more difficulty. A word of advice here-the habit you want to change has to be chosen by you and requires a high level of desire on your part in order to create the greatest opportunity for success. If you feel ready to surrender the habit, Jim Loehr in “The Power of Full Engagement” shares a strategy that includes adopting rituals that can lead to new and more effective habits. Rituals are consciously acquired and targeted behaviors that lead us into greater success. What one new ritual can you introduce into your life that would help you surrender a less effective habit while introducing a new one?
Surrendering Our Fears To surrender means letting go of fear. Fear comes in many forms. We can be afraid of delegating what needs to be done because we think the task won’t be done they way we would do it. This applies to relationships both at home and at work. We can be afraid to try something new because we are uncertain of success. This fear of success can hold us back from going after what we are most passionate about. Susan Jefferrs in “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” offers a ton of tips for helping us move through the maze of resistance into our full potential. Additionally, many authors have suggested that as people reflect back on their lives they have more regrets about the things they didn’t do instead of the things they did do. Acknowledging our fears is the first step in surrendering them. If we try to avoid or deny them, they remain our constant companions. As Ralph Waldo Emerson told us “Do the thing you fear; and the death of fear is certain.”
Surrendering Our Thoughts
The previous discussion of fears leads us into to our thoughts as our fears start in our thoughts. In acknowledging that we have the power to choose our thoughts, we can take back our power and are able to direct our thoughts into what is possible rather than what cannot be. Wayne Dyer in “Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life” suggests that what we place our attention on grows which means what we are thinking about becomes even more real in our lives. When I was teaching undergraduate students in a course on Stress Management, I would ask them to measure their resting heart rates and then think of something that had upset them in the last week. The second measurement was typically 20% higher while just sitting in a classroom. If your thoughts can have that impact on your body, isn’t it time to surrender the thoughts that do not take you into your future? I am a big fan of thought cancelling. When working with clients, I invite them to use the phrase “cancel-cancel” when they find themselves thinking about something that angers or distresses them and replace the thought with a visual that is positive, upbeat and life-affirming. It’s a simple technique that keeps my clients vigilant in managing their thoughts.
As you reflect on the fall season and the confidence that nature demonstrates in surrender, how can you also achieve this confidence in surrendering the habits, fears, and thoughts that no longer serve you?
To Your Success!
Dr. Peggy
