Celibacy Diaries
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Why Women stay in awful Relationships

The number one reason that women stay in awful relationships: learn from the author’s mistake

Eboni Lacey

As a relationship blogger, I feel compelled to open the curtain to my own life and where my true knowledge comes from. Though I continuously read tons of relationships books as well as interview many couples, my best articles come from my own experiences and I feel this experience I’m about to share will help all women get through the true pain that occurs within our hearts.

Here’s what happened:

I met this guy online who messaged me saying that he wanted to get to know me. Not only was he charming, but he was also extremely attractive – the type of man that I always wanted yet never was able to get. Our conversation was brief and after a few days of messaging, I decided to meet him in person.

Our first date:

Our first encounter was magical. The whole night he stared at me, repeatedly making comments about how beautiful I was. I felt comfortable around him and we talked about everything – from work, to God, to our hopes and dreams. I felt so comfortable with him that I continued the rest of the evening in his apartment.

He knew what type of woman I was – a celibate one – and after our deep conversation about religion and how special God is to me and him, he respected my body. Though we embraced in kissing, and he rubbed my back and my feet, he never crossed the line, which made me like him even more. He then told me that he found what he was looking for in me and he really wanted to build something with me. He also told me that I was the first and only girl he met online. He explained that he had female friends but wasn’t intimate or serious with anyone. Neither was I.

My mistake:

Automatically, I felt that we were a clear match. I mentally started thinking about our future and how I knew that we would be in a relationship. It wasn’t that I was infatuated with him, but I truly felt that we had a spiritual and emotional bond. I thought he was a blessing.  Though after our first date and another date we didn’t declare that we were together and boyfriend/girlfriend, we both made it clear that we had something special.

Then, after I went out of town for the weekend to visit my family, everything turned horrible. He started not answering the phone and stopped communicating with me.  A few days after I got back in town, he messaged him online even though we had each other’s phone numbers. His messages were very generic (like a forwarded message) and made no sense. He would message that he missed me yet never made much effort to even try to see me. This not only left me confused, but made me want to understand what was going on. So, I made more effort to try to get in touch with him – I was literally chasing him.  

After more weirdness and more “I miss you” messages without trying to see me, he called me at the end of the week on Saturday apologizing for being so busy and stated that he really wanted to see me. I told him he could come over so we could talk and he said he would be at my place at 3 p.m. He picked the time and initiated the whole thing. I became extremely excited, thinking he just had a busy week. I figured if we can just see each other in person, everything would be okay.

I didn’t hear from him the rest of the evening. I thought something might have happened to him, but I looked at his Instagram and noticed that he made a post around 10 p.m. Around 11 p.m. I sent a text telling him to lose my number. I haven’t heard from him since. But, I must admit that I completely broke down. The situation literally tormented me. I spent countless minutes checking my phone hoping for at least an apology, but I never got one. I didn’t understand how something could feel so real, but be so fake at the same time. I didn’t have sex with him, nor give him anything but conversation and I didn’t understand why he gave me so many mixed messages. Then, I figured it out.

The reason why women stay in awful situations:

The biggest reason as to why women like myself endure so much is much simpler then not having confidence or the strength to start over. It has nothing to do with an abusive childhood (though that doesn’t help) or the pain of our ex’s. The problem as to why we stay in the most awful situations is because we can’t see past what we want. We are blind to what’s real and stupid to our own personal desires.  We want something so bad that we will do anything to have it – meaning forget about all the bad signs that tell us that this man is worthless, but remember all the “good” things that he actually did. We live in true denial until we are forced to pay attention. Then we leave the situation completely heart broken.

Instead of seeking the man that actually wants to make us happy, we hold true to the man that we really wanted – no matter how hard and self-destructing it is. Our personal desires can be like poison because they keep us so sucked in to our own reality that nothing else seems good enough. Some women will pass up the most incredible men simply because they can’t mentally let go of the man they wanted so bad, that did not want them back.

A woman’s heart:

Remember that old saying, “A woman’s heart is like a vault. Once you’re in, you’re in, but once you’re out, you’re out.” When we let that man in, we are giving him our hearts. We are giving him our minds. We are giving him countless hours of straightening our hair, putting on our makeup and obsessing over every minuet detail so that everything will be perfect. We give him our hopes and dreams and our optimism. We give him our trust and faith, believing that this man is our man. Once they enter into this ball, they are in for a long time. It then takes every friend and family member, every disappointment, every lonely night and every tear to get this man out of this ball. Sometimes he will even stay in, long after he’s gone physically.

Our hearts become shattered and our dream crushed. It then takes everything in us to rebuild our hearts back up again and develop a new dream – and the process starts all over again.

Not having what we want is a sad reality that is unbelievably hard to deal with. Though if we just remember to not worry about tomorrow and just live from day to day, we will survive. (Matt 6:34) We must remember that God has much more in store for us then men that can’t respond to text messages, can’t keep it in their pants and can’t keep promises.

And to think that I let a man break my heart after only two dates. Just imagine if I had slept with him. Even after all this, apart of me still hopes he will come back.